To my children

Eden, my first born daughter. You opened my mind and made me realize that I was going to be growing together with you. You made me see things with a new pair of lense. I am a mother. My mindset had changed when you came into my world. My world is now filled with endless of possiblities, and that excites me. 

I can't wait for you to grow up, to live to your fullest potential. I see so much of your father and I in you, that we wish you could become more than we ever could.

Julian, my baby boy. Born in the year of Metal Ox. 2021 was a tough year, the world is barely recovering from a pandemic. I experienced a totally different labour and pregnancy than when it was with your sister. I wasn't ready for you, mentally and physically. I thought I would break, but you are the reason I am stronger.

To my children, you gave me purpose to live. You gave me something to look forward to. You keep me on my toes. You made me experience the worst and the best. You are my everything.

I love the both of you to the moon and back.

I hate this feeling

Well it isn't all bad, but it's just not good enough. Been feeling pains here and there, not sure if it's postpartum hormones or stress or both. I'm especially in pain when agitated.

Right now I'm feeling on the down low. I believe it isn't the lowest yet cause I've felt that before. An absolute mess. I hate myself for thinking that. Feeling of fear that I might do something stupid. Feeling of emptiness, when surrounded by people but still feel lonely.

I've been there, and it seems like I'm heading there again. Could it be hormones? Could it be toxic people?

I don't know where to start, or what to do..

 Fucking hate this.

Unexpected

Baby boy, baby number two...

Initial plan was to go for check up on Wednesday, week 37 day 3 to see if baby was still breech and if we can turn his head. Then induce labor the next day. If not then follow up visit on Saturday and induce on Tuesday.

However, we didn't expect my waterbag to break on Tuesday morning approximately 8.15am. I had to go to the hospital immediately as advise by my doctor. So off we went.

Reached the hospital around 9am, waited for the doctor to check if the baby's head is down. Unfortunately the baby was still in breech. Therefore we had to arrange for a c section at 12pm.

First time undergoing a surgery. Was very nervous for the anastatic. I didn't feel anything other than an ant like bite on my lower back, then the whole lower half of my body was a sleep. I could feel the doctor tugging and pulling on my stomach, but that was it. In less than 30 minutes the pressure was off my belly, and I heard my baby cry. 

Seeing the baby made me tear a little, and seeing my husband feeling so worried was just something rare. He told me that he felt bad for what I had to go through, because he couldn't have go through it himself. Kiss and greet the baby, then he is off to the nursery. My husband waited outside for the doctor to stitch me up. It took about an hour, then another hour to keep me under observation. 

Lastly up I went to the suites to be reunited with my husband and baby. I didn't feel a thing on my lower body until 6 hours later, the anastatic has worn off. The pain was barrable but not pleasant. I took a painkiller and recuperate.

Day 2 was pretty much the same but the pain was less, I could sit up on my own and that was pretty much it. Day 3 I got off the bed and was able to check out.

This was a different but new experience for me. Never I imagine it would happen, but it did. And I'm pretty sure, the experience with this new baby wouldn't be the same as what I went through with Eden.

Expect the unexpected.

I am prepared for whatever the future holds. Loving my two babies and proud of being their mommy.

Intelligence

People talk about Artificial Intelligence (A.I.), but in reality do people practice intelligence? The act of using one's thought process on a daily basis to make decisions.

In the age of technology, many people become lazy and rely on technology to solve their daily problems.

With the recent pandemic and the rising cases in Malaysia, we can also see how human beings have forgotten about their natural ability to think. Rising cases, are proof that people forgot to use their own intelligence and acted carelessly.

I hope that everyone could just take a step back, stop chasing the material things and start to think a little more. There's no harm in thinking, the harm only comes from acting. 

Covid19: What to do at home?

Covid19 is all that the world is talking about today.

On 12th March World Health Organization (WHO) announces COVID-19 outbreak a pandemic.

Today there are 162 countries affected, 182,725 people contracted the virus, 7,174 death and 79,883 recoveries in the world.

Malaysia's statistic today is at 524 confirmed cases, 42 recoveries and 9 death.

Yesterday, the Malaysian Government has annouced Movement Control from 18th March 2020 till 31st March 2020.

Everyone is panic buying and queing up at hypermarkets and supermarkets to stock up on supplies. (not neccessary people!)

Citizens are advised to practices social distancing and stay at home.

So here I have come up with a list of things we can do at home:

1. Exercise - it will be good for you. After 2 weeks people might start to compliment you.
2. Teach your child or a family member something new. A fun way to spend time with them.
3. Watch a Youtube tutorial - there's always something for everyone.
4. Learn a new skill - start work with new credentials, perhaps even get a pay raise.
5. Bake or cook something yummy.
6. Watch a movie/binge watch a series. Watch Game of Thrones to feel less sucky about what's happening outside, season finale will sure to disappoint you. 
7. Read the news to keep updated on what's happening in the world.
8. Play online games or mobile games.
9. Clean your house and probably do some Marie Kondo -ing.
10. Follow Najib Razak on Facebook for humour. 

Hope you find the list useful. Do share with me what do you do in times like this.

October 2017

One day in October 2017, on my way to work in the morning, I walked from the elevator lobby to my car, approaximately 10 metres, I found myself being a little short of breath. I didn't even take the stairs down, had breakfast and a nice morning shower. I should feel good, not feel like crap! It was a wake up call for me. Thinking to myself that I am only 29 years old, what will happen when I turn 30, what will happen when I have kids? Can I keep up with my children's energy when I have kids in my 30s? The very same day, I went to the gym. From that day on I made it a point to be active everyday, if possible. 

My initial plan was to lift weights and build muscles, because I heard that "higher muscle mass, higher metabolism", which meant I would loose weight or loose fats as I gained muscles. I went online and look for workouts to build muscles. Upper body, push and pull, lower body, rest and repeat. That was what I did for a month. I didn't check the scale but I started getting compliments, people telling me I look like I lost weight. My clothes felt better fitted, no longer tight in problem areas and I felt light on my feet. However, when I played sports I became less flexible, clumsy and slow. Despite my physical appearance, I actually gained weight on the scale and became less functional.

Change of plans, while continue "being active", I maintained weight lifting, but I incorporated a lot more cardio, yoga and other sports. Hiking on weekends, swimming when I don't feel like hitting the gym. Yoga when I don't have the time to leave my house, or badminton when I have my friends over. Besides exercising, I made some small adjustment to my food intake (I don't believe in diet trends). Switch all 3-in-1 coffee to black, and cut back on Mc Donalds (my guilty pleasure). This went on for a year and I lost 6kg in total. It's not alot of weight because I was never overweight to begin with. My body mass index (BMI) has always been in the range of 21 - 22, for as long as I can remember. However, my body fat percentage (BF%) was 28% or possibly higher. I was actually borderline to becoming obese. 

What's impressive is my BF% went from 28% to approximately 20% - 25%. Why I said approximate, is because I don't have access to a BF% weighing machine and so I tried the display set at a Xiaomi outlet. The result shown there was 16.7%, which I highly doubt because my body didn't look like the chart below but rather looked more like somewhere in between 20% - 25%.

I was never able to do a pull up, nor could I do proper push ups and planks. However, towards the end of one year, in October 2018 I was at my fittest. Ten push ups were a breeze to me, planking for 1 minute was no sweat either. And I was at least able to pull myself up on the bar once, in my whole lifetime. I am really proud of what I have achieved in 1 year.

November 2018, the thought that manifested all these health conscious decisions. I found out I was pregnant, yes all that strength and stamina was preparing me for this. I guess it was the universe telling me to get ready to have a baby. Throughout my pregnancy I exercised regularly and never had any aches or sickness whatsoever. I continued to eat healthily till the end of it. Will write another post covering my pregnancy journey and post-delivery.

I hope for those of you trying to start a family, this post will inspire you to embark on a healthier journey so that you can benefit from it together with your family.

Till next time, take care and be merry.

November 2018 - 5 weeks pregnant 

Investing your time

Investment is when you put in something like money and hope to gain something in return, like more money. Basically it is putting in effort, in hopes for returns in the future. When we invest in our health, we put in effort to improve our health in hopes that our body don't breakdown on us.

To me what we need to invest will differ at different stages of our lives. And time is a currency that is common throughout space and universe (maybe just on earth).

For instance when we are young, we should invest not only in education but also friendship. Building up our social network is so important when we are young. When you have problems or need to ask for help, who is more willing to help you? Someone you just met or someone that goes way back? 

Some parents forbid their children to mix with other children who supposedly are from not well to do background. Sad as it sounds, there are parents like that. But who's to say you start from nothing, you cannot succeed? Many successful people in the world came from nothing (Oprah Winfrey, J.K. Rowling, Richard Branson to name a few). Yes surely they had to work harder compared to those who already had a head start. But time is equal for everyone, everyone has 24 hours in a day and the same number of days in a week, in a month, in a year.

Later on in life we invest our time into our careers, to earn more and save more. As young adults, majority of us will have little to no commitment. Hence, that is the best time to focus on building up our savings. Once we settle in life, find that special someone and plan to have a family, we move into the next stage.

Currently I am at this stage of life, and honestly a little scared and overwhelmed. Now, I am very curious on how I can grow my income and have a passive income (not really having to work for the money). Besides money concerns, I am also concern about health and whether or not I will be fit enough to keep up with a toddler. 

Which brings me to another investment, investing in our children's future. Giving them what is necessary or more. As of now, since Eden is still a baby, there isn't much to do. But plans for her future education and co-curriculum are already playing out in our minds. What sports should we introduce her to? How can we cultivate and instill good habits in her? So many things we wished we had growing up.

And as for the next step, what to invest in? I am not there yet and I hope that someone along the way will pop in to shed some light and wisdom.

Feel free to leave me a comment if you agree or if you have other views on life in general.