I hate this feeling

Well it isn't all bad, but it's just not good enough. Been feeling pains here and there, not sure if it's postpartum hormones or stress or both. I'm especially in pain when agitated.

Right now I'm feeling on the down low. I believe it isn't the lowest yet cause I've felt that before. An absolute mess. I hate myself for thinking that. Feeling of fear that I might do something stupid. Feeling of emptiness, when surrounded by people but still feel lonely.

I've been there, and it seems like I'm heading there again. Could it be hormones? Could it be toxic people?

I don't know where to start, or what to do..

 Fucking hate this.